Words for Moms

Life has changed since my kids were small. When my kids were small, many saw being a “stay at home mom” as a valid option. It didn’t mean you were lazy or unable to get job. There were also options for companionship with other stay at home moms and systems to help each other.

As we moved and time progressed, I noticed that there was more of a patronizing spirit towards “stay at home moms”. So often I got, and still get “you are so fortunate” or “it is good that you can do that” as if money reigned down from the heavens so we could do it. I also received compliments on my kids, but people don’t want to acknowledge the reason for their good behavior. Again they put it down to luck or good fortune.

Now, my daughter is a “stay at home mom”. She has career qualifications. Many women and men view her decision to stay home with hostility. “Why would a smart woman like that waste her life?”

My words of encouragement today is that you can stay at home and have a fulfilling and rewarding life. It is a choice. Unless your husband is a millionaire, it involves sacrifice and doing without things. It also involves teaching your children to do without things. The reward is great.

Yes, there are circumstances where a mom must go out to work to put basic food on the table, basic clothes on her family, and roof over their heads. Many cases that is the lot of the single or divorced mom.

We have sacrificed and also trusted God to provide so that I could be a full time mother to my kids. It was tough, we started out poor and now were comfortable. Now that they are almost all adults, it was worth it.

If you have made the choice to be a stay home mom, stand firm and confident. You and your children will be blessed for that decision.

A Simple Christmas Tree

I have yet to read Mike Huckabee’s book called A Simple Christmas,  but the title reminds me of the importance of keeping our Christmas simple. This year things were tighter, and it was probably easier to do so. As we have children, we feel obligations to do things for children, to make memories for them. As they move from babies to toddler, start establishing simple routines for Christmas day and you will be surprised how much they appreciate these little things when they are grown up.

It doesn’t take a lot to make Christmas special. If you get wound up in all the trimmings, it is easy to make Christmas miserable for everyone.

Our trees have always been simple. For a couple years I had a 7 foot tree. It broke, and I was glad to replace it with a smaller one. It took so long to put that tree together, and I was tired. Since we have a bunch of boys in our house, the decorating all falls on my shoulders, especially now that they are older, so I have learned to keep things simple.

When the children were small, decorating the tree was an event. We used many home made decorations. In one house, we really didn’t have good place for a tree, except for in front of a book case. Now, as the children look through my decoration box, there are memories associated with many of the decorations.

We always attend the Christmas Eve service at church. I try a make a simple, but nice supper before we go. This is not the time to fuss with food. On Christmas morning, we have cinnamon rolls for breakfast, then we read the Christmas story in the Bible, and then we attend to the celebrations of Christmas. This has been the routine since the children were small. Now that they are adults or close to it, we still follow it. We just don’t get up as early on Christmas morning!!

I try to prepare as much of the Christmas meal ahead of time. Christmas day is a not a day to cook. Lately, we smoke our turkey Christmas Eve, and that makes things easy Christmas day.

There are few foods I cook every year. They are Christmas treats. One easy recipe that is a big treat are “cookless cookies”.

Mix and bring to a boil (don’t cook past a boil or they become sugary and dry):
1/2 cup milk
1 cup margarine
2 cups white sugar
Add one drop vanilla.
Remove from heat and add to the following mixture:
3 cups oatmeal
1 cup coconut
9 tbs. coca
Drop by teaspoon onto a flat surface. Refrigerate. They make be a bit gooey out of fridge, but they are very good.

My daughter is dedicated to her new role as a mother. She spends most of her day feeding baby Katherine, the way nature intended. It is challenging enough to nurse a baby, but sometimes I think doctors make it even more difficult than it needs to be. First, they wanted her to record all feedings. I can handle that for a newborn, just to keep track and make sure that the mom is feeding the baby enough. Katherine is definitely eating well. She has grown out of her newborn clothes and has cute little chubby arms. Erin called today, and told me that the doctors wanted her to wake up Katherine if she falls asleep while nursing and keep her awake for 30 minutes after nursing. The doctor doesn’t want to baby to learn to associate “sleeping” with Erin. The Katherine quickly learned to associate eating with her mom. It took about one day to figure that out! Does that mean that Katherine will only be able to eat when her mom is around???

I guess I blew it on my four children. They all fell asleep while feeding, and I would try and see if I could get them into their infant seat or crib without waking them so that I could have a few minutes to rest, do laundry, eat a meal, take a bath, or clean house. Maybe I am dating myself, but when my kids were small the rule of thumb in the case of a health baby was “don’t wake a sleeping baby” (unless of course they were sleeping more than 5 hours).

I would be curious to hear others opinions on this.

My word of encouragement for today is that doctors don’t know everything. I would Sometimes you need to go with common sense and natural maternal instinct. On the other side, if you feel that something is not right with your child and the doctor isn’t taking you serious, go get another opinion!!

Any day now, I should be promoted to the title “grandma”.  Every time I get a call now, I am waiting to here “mom, I am in labor now”.  I always believed that being a mom was the most important thing that I could ever do, and I do believe my daughter believes the same.

Myself, my daughter Erin with her husband's mother at a baby shower

So many times we are asked “what do you do” and the response is often “just a mom”.  I work a bit  some through my computer and some outside of the home. For me it all works around, my most important role and that is being a mom. My kids are older now, I have more freedom to do other things, and even though most of them are taller than I am, they still need me. Even my daughter who is about to enter the world of motherhood herself, still needs me to be there now as a friend and counselor (and probably the occasional babysitter).

I think we have a lot of floundering people  in their world because moms have  forgotten how important it is to be “just a mom”. Many try to fit their children around careers and busy schedules.  Child need a quantity of quality time. We don’t necessarily have to be actively teaching them every second, we just have to be there and be there with our brains, not focused on something else.

What do moms do? Moms provide emotional soil for children to set down deep roots. If children have strong roots with faith in God and emotional security from the time they are babies, they are set to grow. Moms provide the care and nurturing of the child as the they group. Moms make sure that children have their physical needs met by feeding them and making sure that they have cloths to wear.  Moms also prune and shape children through discipline and training. Moms also let go and help their children enter the world step by step, so that they can be fruitful citizens of the world themselves.

Today is labor day. Our kids have been in school for weeks already, they are about to receive their first report. I thought I would write some quick tips for Christian moms especially those with children in “government schools”. Some of these I learned the hard way.

1. Pray for you kids, their teachers, and the school. I don’t do this enough. Once year I met weekly with a friend just to pray for a schools. It is hard to find someone else that is available for that.

2. Keep on top of what is going on with their behavior, projects and homework. Make sure that you have a system to communicate with teachers (especially if the students are young). The last few years we had “Parent Connect” because it lets you know there is a problem before it gets too big. If there is a behavior issue, try to work with the teacher to find a way to resolve it constructively. It may involve communicating daily with the teacher until the problem is solved.

3. If you have issues with the school and what is going on, communicate with them. You never know you may be the final person communicating on an issue that leads to change. Try to limit it to big issues. Pick your fights. If you do it too much, they view you as a problem parent.

4. Encourage you children as they grow older to remember that most of their friends need Jesus. Even when the behavior of their friends irritates them, remind them that that is how lost people behave and they need to pray that their friends will find new life in Jesus. Encourage them to be faithful witnesses for Jesus (by word and deed) and even than itself will keep them out of a lot of trouble.

5. Keep trusting God for you children and their safety. God has the power to look after you kids. He is even more powerful than government schools.

Ian Playing the Other Kind of Football

My friend who is a new mom commented on observation, that just as her baby daughter was starting to get into a predictable nap schedule, she changed and started waking up half way during the nap. This became a concern for the new mom, because the baby would cry and then fall back to sleep. She hoped that she was doing the right thing by letting the baby cry herself to sleep. I am sure that by now, that is old news, and there a another new concern on the horizon.

No matter how old your children are, just when you think that you have them figured out, they throw you for a loop. There is unpredictable as well and like the rest of us, they are constantly dealing with new situations.

This was brought home yesterday. My son had gone out for spring training for high school football for the kicker position. He had played a lot of soccer, but never really paid much attention to football. He was asked to come to the training. He liked it, but hurt himself during the training, and was overwhelmed by life. He decided not to continue to play. Thinking that he may change his mind, I did not take my name off the parent list. On Monday, I received a message for team parents. I was certain now that he was not going to play, so I took my name off the list. During supper Ian tells us that due to a injury, the coaches asked him to reconsider. During the discussion to follow, I remain serious, but I was laughing inside. How am I going to Rachel to put my name back on the parent list?? Time to each some crow….

If you want a calm, predictable life…then parenting is not for you. On the other hand, I could not imagine life without my children. Life would be awfully boring.

One of the big lessons you learn from your children is humility. Children have a way of working the pride out your.

The LORD’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers
but gives grace to the humble.
The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame. Proverbs 3:33-35 (N.I.V.)

As a young or expectant mom it is important that you keep an open mind. It is easy to judge other parents, and say “I will never do that”. It isn’t on the big moral issues where this is an issue. It is the small things where we learn parenting is a big challenge.

We all have days when we say or do things we regret. We also have days where our children show there sinful nature in ways we never expected.

For me it was in the area food, that God’s humbled me. Before I had children I was so frustrated with children who were so fussy. I was certain that my kids were going to each right. I read up on how to make sure that they developed tastes for healthy foods. I ended up with some of the fussiest eaters!! My daughter, who is about to mom now, would not each fruit or vegetable…and still doesn’t each much in these food groups. It seems like a small issue now, but with small children getting through mealtimes is a big deal.

My encouraging words for moms today are to let moms know that sometimes the best plans will fail. We do our best, but we are dealing with children with free wills and it is okay that they are not perfect. We do our best to bring them up to be followers of God and upstanding citizens but there will be days when all does not go right. Those are the days to lean on God, ask for His grace, and trust Him to take the children the extra step.

As I start to post these articles, I see landmines ahead that can trip me or the reader up. Proverbs 16:18 says: “Pride goes before destruction,a haughty spirit before a fall.” I do not want to come across as “I am good parent so listen to me”. First off, there are times that I am not a very good parent. Also, much of what I am writing has come through trials and getting to the other side.

On the other hand, I don’t want parents to feel discouraged either. If you listen to many parents of adult children, even in churches, you can get the feeling that there is no hope, no matter what you do it is all up to “chance”. Maybe your kids will come out okay, but there isn’t a whole lot you can do to change the outcome. Proverbs 18 also says later: “Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD. The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.”

When my children were young, I would watch and listen. I would watch for families that seem to be working and try to follow what they did. But first of all, we need to heed the most important instruction book and that is Word of God.

It is my plan, that as I write these words of encouragement or words to build up, that I will be saying close to the ultimate set of instructions and showing they the Bible applies in the world of child rearing.

In Titus 2 older women are instructed to teach younger women “what is good”.  That motivates me to put these posts together for the younger women in my life.

In the end, it is not follow me, but follow God and here are some words to build you up and encourage you  as a Christian mom as you continue to follow  God.

On a Wednesday night we went to hear friends of our tell about their work abroad.  The woman was pregnant with her fourth child.  As of mother of four children, my heart goes out to women with four or more children. Those who have more than four and survive have my admiration. I talked to her about how I could support her as mom.  I came to the conclusion the best thing that I could do was try to write, at least monthly note to encourage her as mom.

We are also waiting for the arrival in October of our first grandbaby.  As I began thinking, these posts could also be way to encourage my daughter as she becomes a new mom as well as the other new moms in our church.

It began to make sense that I start publishing these posts online. Hopefully more women will see these and be encouraged. Being a mom is difficult. I would not trade it for anything.

Now that the first part is set up, I have to do the hard work of writing. I hope women will come and be blessed by these posts.